The Restorative Power of Character, part 2
In my last post, we were talking about the redemptive potential of deepening our character for the sake of others—specifically, the quality of Intentionality. Today I want to talk about the impact of Honesty on your core relationships.
We know that we cannot have trustworthy character without this core quality; who sets out to be intentionally dishonest? I imagine all of my readers here take honesty for granted in their character as leaders of integrity. But let’s dig down a little further.
Honesty: I describe this quality as the earnest pursuit of truth that can flush self-deception to the surface and equip us to engender the same transparency in others. Take a moment to hold this definition in your heart. Ask God just how open you are to the reality mirrored back to you from others. Feeling brave? Now ask your spouse the same question: Where am I resistant to feedback and constructive correction?
Every one of us carries blind spots woven into the fabric of our lives and leadership. There are things we don’t see, can’t see, don’t want to see about ourselves—things that hurt us and often hurt others. Let’s call this self-deception. To the extent that we protect these places of dissonance, usually subconsciously, we stifle our growth and warp our leadership influence. Let’s be honest: This isn’t just some of us, this is all of us. Me included.
But this is not cause for shame! If self-deception is part and parcel of the human condition (and it is), we’re all in this together, and we can invite each other into greater light and greater freedom. How do we do this?
We ask. We listen. We receive. And we change.
Let’s put some feet to this.
Start where I suggested earlier: Ask God. Then ask your spouse. Let your spouse know that this is a safe space. You will not defend yourself or explain away any of their observations; you will simply listen and consider with an open heart.
Continue your use of the Daily Examen that I introduced in my last post. This spiritual practice initiated by St. Ignatius in the 16th century unites both character traits of intentionality and honesty. It’s a two-fer.
Next, use our 360 Feedback exercise at The Restored Leader to invite honest feedback from your workgroup that will help you build healthier relationships, more enjoyable conversations, and more leadership confidence.
Of course, the redemptive beauty of our formation gets amplified to others, which means that as we grow in our honesty and become more free from self-deception, we have increased opportunity to invite others to grow in similar ways. We do this by normalizing the conversation about truth and deception. We do this by creating feedback systems that encourage those within our influence to lean into regular truth-telling.
As a seasoned leadership coach, let me know if I can help.